Source: Family Life

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A remarriage is very different from a first marriage. There are different combinations in a remarriage, each has its own unique difficulties and of course joys. For example both of you may have been married before, you may have no children or both have children. Only one set of children may live with you, the other visit occasionally or none of the children live with or all of the children. Whenever there are children in a remarriage there is movement in and out of your family and many different relationships to navigate and negotiate, as well as your own new relationship to build.

the myths about step-parenting, and the most well known one is that of Cinderella and the Wicked Step-mother, make it difficult for step-mothers and to a lesser extent step-fathers to be anything but wicked. Most step-parents have very high and realistic expectations of themselves and the children. They expect to recreate a nuclear family but by definition this isn’t possible, as one of the adults is not a biological parent; they expect everyone will love each other instantaneously and that they, the step-parent, can replace or make up for the loss of one parent through death or divorce. Children will always love their biological parents first BUT they will also, given the opportunity and time, grow to love the step-parent. Step-parents often believe they will feel the same about their step-children as they do about their own and when they don’t they feel very guilty.

In remarriage and step-families there is duplication. There are two mothers or fathers, one out of the home, four sets of grandparents and many extended family members, there may be children from the different families of exactly the same age. The family may have doubled in size, space becomes a problem. This can create stress and complicate relationships. The step-parent often has an ambiguous role, what is he expected to do regarding discipline in the family? What is he to be called? The step-parent has no legal rights over the step-children. Frequently, after a remarriage, there is an increased hostility towards the step-parent from the biological parent.

Money is often a problem in remarriage. The adults are frequently supporting another family or receiving maintenance for the children from the non-custodial parent. This can breed resentment and anger. Inheritance is another issue that may create problems after remarriage.

This is the general picture of remarriage. Here are a few guidelines that will help you to build your relationship and live in harmony with your new family:

Remember you chose each other – give priority to being husband and wife – give yourselves a chance.