How to spot an abuser

Why do seemingly intelligent women fall into the hands of abusers? We take a look…


Source Lily Radloff
Maybe you’ve been there yourself, maybe you have a friend or a family member trapped in an abusive relationship.
Maybe you’re just entering one. Be warned, the emotional damage is huge and may take years to heal.
So get clued up. Learn how to look for warning signs. Try to understand how this happens. I’ve chatted with my sister, an infinitely clever psychologist, and she gave me the following pointers.
So look carefully at your relationship, and see if you should seek help immediately.

7 signs of an emotional and physical abuser:

  • Nothing is ever his fault. He will blame his parents, his boss, circumstances, you… But he never takes ownership for his mistakes, flaws or behaviour.
  • He alienates you from your friends and family in order to make sure you have no support network. He becomes the centre of your universe and cuts off all ties to other people.
  • He manipulates you through a system of praise and punishment. Do as he says and you’ll be made to feel like he’s the only person in the world who sees how special you are. Disobey him and he’ll make you feel worthless and stupid. He’ll prey on your insecurities and use your past hurts against you.
  • He thinks he is above the law – the rules of society are not applicable to him and therefore he can do as he pleases.
  • He needs constant admiration and craves recognition and praise.
  • He shows a complete lack of empathy. His feelings are the only ones that matter.
  • He’s obsessed with grandiose fantasies of himself as being god-like and invincible. He degrades and humiliates you to make himself feel superior. And then he punishes you for being degraded and humiliated because he thinks he’s better than you

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